When People Still Laugh When I Can't Even Smile

I visited a colleague in the hospital today. She’s just a few years older than me—still young—but diagnosed with cancer. I can’t imagine how I’d feel in her place, like my world had fallen apart. 

I went with an old friend, and we caught up, laughing both before and after the visit. But later, as I sat at my desk, I started to wonder: is it really okay to enjoy ourselves like that while my colleague is suffering? She smiled, sure, but there’s no way she’s truly "okay" with what she’s going through. 

Of course, we didn’t laugh in front of her. After the visit, we still mentioned her now and then, sent our prayers her way, but we also got back to our own lives. Meanwhile, she’s left facing this unimaginable hardship—alone. 

Is that unfair? Or is that just life? People can support you, but in the end, you face your struggles on your own. They can still laugh while you can’t even muster a smile. Here I am, working in a lively, vibrant office, while she’s likely lying in a hospital bed, dizzy and nauseous, maybe feeling lonely. 

It feels unfair, doesn’t it? 

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But when I think back to my own hard times—even now, struggling to finish my thesis—I know I can’t expect my friends to stop being happy just because I’m going through something. They’re preparing for graduation, and they don’t need to hit pause on their joy because of my stress. My suffering doesn’t make their joy any less valid; and even if they did pause, it wouldn't make my pain any less real. In fact, I’d probably feel worse, knowing I was holding them back. 

Life keeps moving, no matter what. And I remind myself that those same friends who are about to graduate early had their own thesis struggles, too. Everyone faces their own problems. Whether they seem harder or easier—it doesn't matter. Everyone’s got something going on.

When my university fellows were going through their own challenges, I supported them where I could, but I didn’t solve their problems for them. Sometimes I helped, and sometimes I didn’t. That’s just how it goes. We can be there for each other, but at the end of the day, we all carry our own burdens. 

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So perhaps this is the takeaway: people can—or even have the right to—still laugh when I can't even smile, because life doesn’t pause for anyone (and it sucks, ngl). We can (or we should) help each other, but we each have to face our battles on our own. But, we also deserve moments to laugh and move forward when we can. It isn't unfair—maybe it is? But, at some point, we all carry the burden of that same unfairness.

(So it's fair; maybe.)